Talk It Through

About this book

Most couples do not fight about too many things. They fight the same fight, the same way, over and over. Talk It Through is a practical toolkit for changing how those conversations go. Drawing on decades of relationship research, including John and Julie Gottman's work on conflict and repair and the speaker-listener technique from the PREP program, it turns what research shows about lasting couples into words you can actually say. You will learn how to raise a complaint without starting a war (with 20 before-and-after examples), how to listen so your partner feels heard even when you disagree, how to ask for what you need, how to take a break when a fight overheats and come back to it, and how to repair afterward with a five-step debrief. Then the book goes straight into the hardest topics, with ready-made scripts and agendas: money, chores and the mental load, differences in desire, in-laws and friends, and phones. A 30-minute weekly check-in keeps small problems small. Written for couples of any stage and any gender combination, with clear guidance on when to seek couples therapy, and how to recognize abuse and coercive control, where these tools are not the right answer. Includes printable script cards and worksheets in your library.

1. 1Printable worksheets & templates (PDF)All appendices of the book as a print-ready PDF.533 KB Buyers only

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